My Life as an American Gladiator:

"...if you are one of these rockin and rollin types with a band and all, please think about including needless parentheses in your song titles."


You know who's really good to make fun of?

Steven Seagal, that's who.

When you make little snipey comments about him, it helps you to grow and develop as a person, because in spite of the fact that Steven Seagal could probably beat your punk ass into a quivering mass of tears and regret, there's no way he would ever know. You know what else is great? There is virtually no chance that anyone will admit to liking Steven Seagal movies enough to argue with you.

And so on.